Im pretty sure school was created to learn, not to make kids crazy balls of stress.
Well, someone screwed there job up here.
Im done with this crap.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
My Wish
A good friend, a helping hand,
That’s what I’ve always seen you as.
You’re a good man, whether you see it or not,
And you don’t deserve these things you’ve got.
Waking up wilted, wounded;
Who chose this path for you?
Eyes shut, day at a close,
Another day you forced yourself through.
In the midst of this wacky world of ours,
Many a good man fall just to stand again.
Beaten and battered, but still they rise.
I see that in you;
I wish you did too.
My wish in this demented world
Is for you and those alike.
I wish that in this wacky world
You didn’t have to fight.
Across the world, the best men fall
Time and time again.
That’s why this wish is for you, my friend,
Both for you and them.
I wish the best of men
Could be simply free and happy.
I wish you didn’t have to hurt
Just to be who you are.
Dear my friend, my good, good friend,
I wish that you could see
The amazing man behind the pain;
The man who dreams,
The man I see.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Life
So i was gonna make this into a whole long in depth blog, but i changed my mind. I think im just gonna keep it short.
After the events of today, theres just a few things i wanted to touch on.
For one, I wanna say how much i love my family and my friends<3 I would be no where in my life without you guys, and I dont know what i would do if i ever lost any of you. That was one of my main thoughts of the day. I just wanna make sure you guys i know how much i love you and how much you all mean in my life.
Two, as was proven today, life is short, and tomorrow isn't promised. This being the case, what are we doing today? If tomorrow was your last day, would you be content looking back on your life? Honestly, I wouldn't be, but im gonna change that. Tomorrow isnt something thats promised, so live today. Life's too short to spend as much time worrying as we do. Take risks. Live your life. Drop fear. Live today.
Lastly, I know it's sad when someone you love dies, but i was just thinking, watching and feeling the sadness of today, that when i die, i dont want it to be like that. I dont want people to cry when my lifes done. Id rather have people remember me and smile because of the things i accomplished and the person i was then cry because im gone. I dont like people to be sad, so when my time comes, Id rather people be happy that God's called me home and that i accomplished things then cry and be upset.
Didn't really go in depth with stuff today like i was going to, but this was really the key points. I didn't know Christina, but my thoughts and prayers go out to her family and friends, because losing someone you care about is never an easy thing. RIP Christina.
After the events of today, theres just a few things i wanted to touch on.
For one, I wanna say how much i love my family and my friends<3 I would be no where in my life without you guys, and I dont know what i would do if i ever lost any of you. That was one of my main thoughts of the day. I just wanna make sure you guys i know how much i love you and how much you all mean in my life.
Two, as was proven today, life is short, and tomorrow isn't promised. This being the case, what are we doing today? If tomorrow was your last day, would you be content looking back on your life? Honestly, I wouldn't be, but im gonna change that. Tomorrow isnt something thats promised, so live today. Life's too short to spend as much time worrying as we do. Take risks. Live your life. Drop fear. Live today.
Lastly, I know it's sad when someone you love dies, but i was just thinking, watching and feeling the sadness of today, that when i die, i dont want it to be like that. I dont want people to cry when my lifes done. Id rather have people remember me and smile because of the things i accomplished and the person i was then cry because im gone. I dont like people to be sad, so when my time comes, Id rather people be happy that God's called me home and that i accomplished things then cry and be upset.
Didn't really go in depth with stuff today like i was going to, but this was really the key points. I didn't know Christina, but my thoughts and prayers go out to her family and friends, because losing someone you care about is never an easy thing. RIP Christina.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Just a recent thought...
I just wanted to state that for once in my life, it would REALLY nice to meet a cute guy with a good personality who actually doesn't drink, smoke, dip, or do drugs. Really, it'd be great. 'Cause recently ive met quite a few rly awesome guys, but thn i find out they all do at least one of those things. All major turn-offs. Really, it's gross. Okay, not so much the drinking. I understand goofing off and drinking once in a while, but really, is any of tht as necessary as u make it seem? Really? Especially u three. U r all wayyy too good looking and way too nice to make urselves unattractive by doing tht crap. And im not the only one who agrees. Sorry, just venting a little. Thought id put that out there.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Just a shot in the dark
Long walks in the dark,
Through woods grown behind the park,
I asked God who I’m supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me,
God answered in silent reverie.
I said a prayer and fell asleep.
(I got this from this kids tumblr. I really like it.)
Warped Tour 09?!?
So im much to lazy to actually write, so im just gonna list all the reasons this was an incredible day =]
-All Time Low first thing in the morning
-The Devil Wears Prada, craziness
-A Day to Remember, ‘nuff said ;)
-Insane moshing
-Crowd surfing=FUN
-Laughing at the fact that i dont even know how many feet i took to the head.
-Hung with pretty much all my favorite people ever -Saving Nessa
-Cute guys lol
-Met two really good bands who were promoting
-Signing a member of one of said bands feet xD
-Jac Vanek bracelets
-Cheap sunglasses
-Lol, dancing in the rain
-Mud?
-Dying in senses fail’s pit
-The fact that you’d never guess those shoes were white
-The rain made it not be 5000 degrees all day
-Being styked lmao xD
And then the weekend just got even better, from using scuba diving equipment in my pool to going to chuch with ale and laura to staying up til 5:15 on stickam this morning, can we just rewind and play this weekend one more time? xD
Friday, July 17, 2009
Dear Mother,
I wish u could see inside my head for just 5 minutes. I wish u could understand why i act the way i do. I wish u could understand the person i am now. I wish u could understand why. But since i cant talk to you about anything anymore, u cant. And it sucks.
And theres things i kno i need to grow up about, but all of it still bothers me. Especially him. Mom, ive never been close to him. It would have been nice if you'd given me more than a week to get over the other one, the closest thing i knew to a real dad, leaving. But you didnt. You went on a week long trip to the islands with him. Id met him once. For about 2 hours. Another thing, before that, you found out hed been in the feds. Howd u find out why again? Oh yeah, you had ur cop friend search his name in the records. Its been like 3 years now mom, and has he told me and jordan yet? No. We know, yes, but only because you told us. And he still doesnt know you did. Yeah, thats really great. It does prove how close we were before he was such a big part of our lives tho. I bet if u just found out now, u wouldnt tell me. Because we arent close like that anymore. He ruined that. We never have time to sit and talk alone anymore. Between work and his obsessive running, you're always too tired to talk during the week, but on the weekends we're here, God forbid we do anything but spend time together as a huge family: with him, his daughters, me, you, and jordan. Yeah, a lot of serious discussion gets done there with his girls and jordan being loud and crazy and him being there; Im lucky if i get one word in. Thats okay, I dont feel like i could tell you anything anymore anyways, because your ideas arent yours anymore; their his. And i could never tell you how much he bothers me, because you'd either get pissed at me and tell me im ungrateful, or you'd get upset, and tht isnt the point. I just want you to understand how i feel. Instead i turn to my music and my friends and my church. Thts all thats left. But you guys almost never let me spend time with my friends, the only physical people left who care and who i can talk to and be myself around. I just get yelled at for being myself around u guys. And u wonder why im always texting them and have my ipod in my ears. But no, I cant ever be with them. This weekend for example, Friday i cant go out because u have to get up and run with gilbert in the morning, Saturday i cant have people over cuz you'll be running and at the beach all morning, Saturday night i cant go to church with them or go out because we're spending family time going to see HP, which i was invited to go to with friends twice already, then Sunday we have "family day" of which will be spent with gilberts entire family. Fantastic. Ugh, this isnt even half of the things, half the emotions, i wish i could portray to you right now. And i kno u really arent going to read this. But i really wish that u could understand; that you could see how much all this is hurting me. And i wish we could be close again. But i doubt it. This blog is ridiculously long. And really kinda crappy, but its pretty close to how i feel, minus the better descriptions of exactly how i feel. But maybe thats because i dont really kno exactly how i feel. There arent really words for this. Angry? Upset? Frustrated? Let down? Unworthy? Annoyed? Aggravated? Unimportant? Unwanted? Distant? All of that, yes. But theres so much more to it than that. I wish u could see it mom, see inside my head, see everythng ive felt in the last 3 years that you've missed; my writing doesnt do it justice, and talking definitely wont...but itd still be nice.We used to be the mom and kid who could share anything with each other. What happened? Oh, wait, he did.
And theres things i kno i need to grow up about, but all of it still bothers me. Especially him. Mom, ive never been close to him. It would have been nice if you'd given me more than a week to get over the other one, the closest thing i knew to a real dad, leaving. But you didnt. You went on a week long trip to the islands with him. Id met him once. For about 2 hours. Another thing, before that, you found out hed been in the feds. Howd u find out why again? Oh yeah, you had ur cop friend search his name in the records. Its been like 3 years now mom, and has he told me and jordan yet? No. We know, yes, but only because you told us. And he still doesnt know you did. Yeah, thats really great. It does prove how close we were before he was such a big part of our lives tho. I bet if u just found out now, u wouldnt tell me. Because we arent close like that anymore. He ruined that. We never have time to sit and talk alone anymore. Between work and his obsessive running, you're always too tired to talk during the week, but on the weekends we're here, God forbid we do anything but spend time together as a huge family: with him, his daughters, me, you, and jordan. Yeah, a lot of serious discussion gets done there with his girls and jordan being loud and crazy and him being there; Im lucky if i get one word in. Thats okay, I dont feel like i could tell you anything anymore anyways, because your ideas arent yours anymore; their his. And i could never tell you how much he bothers me, because you'd either get pissed at me and tell me im ungrateful, or you'd get upset, and tht isnt the point. I just want you to understand how i feel. Instead i turn to my music and my friends and my church. Thts all thats left. But you guys almost never let me spend time with my friends, the only physical people left who care and who i can talk to and be myself around. I just get yelled at for being myself around u guys. And u wonder why im always texting them and have my ipod in my ears. But no, I cant ever be with them. This weekend for example, Friday i cant go out because u have to get up and run with gilbert in the morning, Saturday i cant have people over cuz you'll be running and at the beach all morning, Saturday night i cant go to church with them or go out because we're spending family time going to see HP, which i was invited to go to with friends twice already, then Sunday we have "family day" of which will be spent with gilberts entire family. Fantastic. Ugh, this isnt even half of the things, half the emotions, i wish i could portray to you right now. And i kno u really arent going to read this. But i really wish that u could understand; that you could see how much all this is hurting me. And i wish we could be close again. But i doubt it. This blog is ridiculously long. And really kinda crappy, but its pretty close to how i feel, minus the better descriptions of exactly how i feel. But maybe thats because i dont really kno exactly how i feel. There arent really words for this. Angry? Upset? Frustrated? Let down? Unworthy? Annoyed? Aggravated? Unimportant? Unwanted? Distant? All of that, yes. But theres so much more to it than that. I wish u could see it mom, see inside my head, see everythng ive felt in the last 3 years that you've missed; my writing doesnt do it justice, and talking definitely wont...but itd still be nice.We used to be the mom and kid who could share anything with each other. What happened? Oh, wait, he did.
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